For parents and babies

I’m going to need more wine... A couple of weeks ago the lovely missus decided to go and visit relatives in the lovely south of England, and show off the new arrival. Excellent news my mind though, or did I say that aloud, god I hope not! Three days of peace and quiet, able to finish the jobs you can do with an infant around, you know the kind, the ones with drills and hammering. So after a late getaway, down solely to the furry feline deciding to eat a pigeon, but not quite finishing the job, the family were nothing but a speck waving farewell in a dirty rear window.

After you've read this, you may think, what is he talking about, and what has that got to do with babies. Well, bear with me and hopefully all will become clear.

 I hope I don’t speak too soon, but is summer here? I think its probably like last year when we have a week or two that’s nice early on and then the rest of the summer is wet and cold. So why the weathers here I took some time off work. Apart from weekends I only see my son at nights, and by that time he's usually tired and a little grumpy. So it was with wide eyes that I watched him this morning, with a big smile on his face when he noticed I was there. The last couple of weeks have been up and down, but with that one smile he made it all worth it.

I’m sorry we don’t accept children. Pardon? He’s 3 weeks old, what’s he going to do start a fight?

After a pretty shitty day at work its good t come home to a quiet baby. Why he’s quiet I’m not to sure, we didn’t do anything different, maybe its yin and yang, I have a shit day, he has a good one. But I learned today that even a three week old can brighten your day… I took him for a swim in the bath. Of all the books I’ve read about babies, not one of them has mentioned putting the baby in a proper bath with you!

Top tip - When you're little angel is playing nicely and you're getting on with the housework don't think you can quickly nip outside to put the rubbish in the wheely bin!  Sod's law says that the front door will blow shut leaving you looking through you letter box at the angelic looking one, who, it turns out isn't quite so angelic when you want him to pass you keys out to you through the letter box.  While you are panic struck, he is finding the whole thing rather funny and trying out his favourite word in response to all your requests - "No!"
 

My god how things fly by, it seems like only yesterday that a new head entered the world, and already I’m back at work, back to the old routine, in the day at least. You know what I miss being at home, doing things the human race is supposed to do… Looking after your family, cooking, planting vegetables and so on.  My son is growing almost as fast as the tomato plants, and I can’t believe it… every day I go home and see some change, maybe his cheeks a fatter or he has learned where his hands are. I understand now how people say there not babies for long.

I’m sure people are driving faster since my son arrived. It’s very nice of them to mark the occasion by speeding everywhere but really there’s no need. Traffic islands are incredible, why only two months ago I would leap out in front of trucks that were squealing on their tyres but now it seems that it only takes the glimpse of a bicycle before my right foot is jabbing for the brake. Why is this?

Us blokes are quite good at most things, let’s be honest, whether our partners agree or not it is as a matter of fact true. Why only a month or so ago I went with screwdriver in hand to fix some shelves to the wall and for the past couple of weeks I’ve been up and down the stairs with plates of rice pudding and biscuits. There have been no complaints from infant or adult, and to be honest with you I’m quite proud of that.

After a night of hell its good to pamper yourself, you feel guilty sat in a hairdressers with some woman chopping your hair off, or having a massage to relax, but you know what, after a couple of hours of this I'm more capable of looking after the family than sat in the same house as them, hour after hour, day after day, slowly wearing myself down until I can't even get myself down the stairs without tripping. So today's tip is to take some time out for yourself, you'll feel better for it.